Child Custody

Legal custody is a different concept from residential custody or physical custody.

Legal custody refers to decision making -- who has the right to make major decisions affecting the child, like those affecting the child’s health, religion, education, extracurricular activities, and developmental decisions.

We have prepared a Child Custody Worksheet to help you become familiar with the questions you will need to answer about child custody as part of mediation.  You can discuss the questions in the worksheet with your spouse before our session, or you can wait until the session. Right click, then "save link as" to save the worksheet to your computer. 

Parenting Time

Residential or physical custody refers to the time each parent has with the child. Given that the word “custody” reminds most people of a prisoner being taken into custody by the police rather than a parent spending time with a child, the term “parenting time” has become more commonly used.

Parenting time (or residential or physical custody) refers to the time each parent has with the child. It is a separate issue from legal custody.  Even if a parent does not have legal custody, he or she may still be entitled to time with the child or children.

In mediation, you can agree on an informal schedule which you can make up as you go along. Many of our client's prefer a more formal schedule comprised of a basic monthly schedule with variations for national/religious holidays, school vacations and special days. 

There are many variables to consider in coming up with the appropriate parenting schedule. Your and your spouse’s work schedules are important, but, particularly if your child is young or has special needs, his or her emotional development is critical to consider. We will discuss this further in our mediation sessions but it may be helpful for you to consult with some outside sources.  Here are a few we have found to be most valuable:

Dr. Robert E. Emery is Professor of Psychology and Director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law at the University of Virginia, where he has spent his entire academic career (beginning in 1981). His research focuses on family relationships and children's mental health, including parental conflict, divorce, child custody, family violence, and genetically informed studies of all these topics, as well as associated legal and policy issues. We highly recommend his latest book, Two Homes, One Childhood: A Parenting Plan to Last a Lifetime

Dr. Emery’s website is an excellent reference for information about parenting after divorce.  Dr. Emery has published his suggested guidelines for parenting plans for children at various stages of development here.

Another great guide has been developed by the Arizona court system and can be found here.  It has a wealth of information about parenting plans and the developmental needs of children at various ages.

One more expert deserves mention. Joan B. Kelly, Ph.D. is a clinical child psychologist who, for 45 years, has focused on research in children’s adjustment to divorce, custody and access issues, divorce and custody mediation, applications of child development research to custody and parenting plans, and Parenting Coordination.  She has published more than 130 articles and chapters, including the classic book, Surviving The Breakup: How Children And Parents Cope With Divorce

To facilitate our discussions, we have prepared a Parenting Time Worksheet. Again, you can discuss this worksheet with your spouse before our session or you can wait until the session. Right click, then "save link as" to save the worksheet to your computer. 

We have also developed a Scheduling Tool with examples of schedules and an interactive calendar which can help you visualize potential schedules. Right click, then "save link as" to save the scheduling tool to your computer.